


Valentine's Day Strikes Back!

by Diminished_Comet



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angry Kylo Ren, Cake, Comedy, Comedy of Errors, Crack, Drunken Shenanigans, F/M, First Order attacks the rebellion, Fluff and Humor, Gift Giving, Hangover, Humor, Imperial Officers (Star Wars), Kylo Ren Has Issues, Love Triangles, M/M, Misunderstandings, Misuse of the Force, Oblivious Finn, Obsessive Behavior, Poor Hux, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Self-Pity, Stormpilot, The Dark Side of the Force, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day Fluff, kylo ren loves himself, kylo ren sings with stormtrooper backup, pyjamas!, reylo forever, swearing including the f word!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2018-05-20 07:40:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5997241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diminished_Comet/pseuds/Diminished_Comet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, there was an annual tradition called Valentine’s Day.</p><p>Men and women would exchange cards and messages with each other to declare their secret love and desires. </p><p>There also existed a Valentine's Day ritual where single girls created tasty treats to give to their favoured male friends. This event was always much-anticipated by bachelors across hundreds of star systems… providing glimmers of hope to lonely men everywhere.</p><p>If you want to see Kylo Ren go completely nuts, then this is the fic for you!</p><p>It's crack fluff comedy with plenty of swearing and innuendo, which will have you laughing your coffee through your nostrils... you've been warned!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Midnight Mischief

It was another cold winter evening at the D’Qar Rebel base. 

Within her small single-room quarters, Rey allowed herself a contented sigh at the wonderful feeling of relaxation she felt huddled under the covers of her cozy bunk. The lights were switched off and her blanket was almost completely pulled over her head; but the glow of the data pad she was reading cast a comforting illumination within the little nest she had made. She was reading a classic Jedi adventure story that she’d picked up from her last visit to Coruscant and she’d finally had time for it tonight. 

_“Hurray for Friday nights”_ she thought, _“No work, tomorrow!”_

No hauling of heavy cargo crates onto freighters, no tedious regulatory paperwork declaring that they were not breaking Republic sanctions, no A-Wing pilots hooting at her as she practiced duelling with her lightsaber… just a nice lie-in followed by slouching on the settee watching a marathon of trashy Outer Rim sitcoms.

Suddenly, she heard loud giggling outside her door and then there was a loud knocking.

“Rey, Reeeeey, are you in there?!” yelled an excited female voice which she recognised as Jessika Pava’s

She rolled her eyes upwards. So much for a quiet night in…

“Yes, I’m here” she groaned back and lazily used the Force to flick the switch that allowed the metal door to slide open. She lifted her head above the blanket and blinked as Jessika came skipping in. She had a ridiculous grin on her face. 

“Rey, what the hell are you doing in the dark here all alone, wasting away your free time!?” Jessika laughed. “You’re such a swotty bookworm!”

The X-Wing pilot was wearing fluffy pyjamas and slippers and looked and smelled like she had been at the Corellian brandy tonight. Jessika started to pull on Rey’s arm. “Come on” she said, the girls are all in the kitchen behind the canteen, we’re making our valentines treats for the guys ready for Sunday! There's plenty of booze and the party is getting _wild_ down there.” She hiccupped loudly.

Rey was not a prude, she did like to let her hair down once in a while but wasn’t sure she wanted to get tanked up tonight. The last time she had attended one of Jessika’s midnight parties she’d been so hungover she had thrown up all over BB-8 as she was trying to mend his antenna the following morning. The little droid had beeped so _mournfully_ as the vomit had dripped off his circuits. She’d made it up to the droid later by giving him a nice oil bath, but she had no desire to experience a similar embarrassing incident.

_Still…_ rummaging around the kitchens did appeal to the scavenger within her and she had to admit she loved to listen to gossip from the other women who lived at the base. 

She smiled at Jessika. “Alright, I’m _coming_ ,” she said, faking a tone that implied she was being forced to join in against her will. Rey jumped out of her bunk pulled on some soft bootees and made a move towards her wardrobe. Jessika grabbed her hand, drawing her towards the door instead. “Don’t worry, no need to change out of your jammys, no guys allowed at this soiree!” 

Rey looked down at her attire. The tank top she used as sleepwear had a picture of Jedi legend Master Yoda along with the phrase. _‘My other shirt… on Alderaan it was.’_ The bottoms were no less cringe-worthy as they were covered in a death star polka-dot design. As she was dragged into the fluorescent light of the corridor outside, she prayed none of the guys would see them on the way down to the canteen area.

Luckily it was not far and the base seemed dead tonight. With Rey on her arm Jessika burst through the kitchen door. “I got her girls!” she proudly announced. 

There were about ten other women in the room, some of them busy at cooking stations, others were sat around a table covered in paper cards, recipe data pads, pots of ingredients and numerous bottles of alcohol. 

A tall technician called Jaina, whom she had recently befriended shoved a large glass of Endorian wine in her hand. “Glad you could join us Rey,” she laughed, her face flushed. “So who is the lucky guy you’re cooking a Valentines treat for tonight? If you don’t make something for Finn, he’ll be devastated you know.”

Rey chugged down a large gulp of wine and snorted. “Jaina, I don’t have time to waste mooning over guys, besides there is nobody I fancy here at the base.” Jessika overheard and seized on Rey’s words at once.“ So he’s not on the base then?” she said coyly. “I bet she’s hooked up with some handsome young senator on her trip Coruscant.” 

Another pretty blonde girl called Callista laughed and joined in the conversation. “Lucky you Rey, those senator guys are super cool and rich, when this war is over you could shack up with him in a Naboo palace and live like a Queen for the rest of your life.” 

Rey blushed as her friends had hit closer to home than they realised.

There _was_ a man who seemed to be in her dreams of late. He was lean and tall, dressed in designer black leather and robes. He had deep brown eyes that you could drown in and soft wavy black hair which framed his angular pale face. She was sure he had a crush on her, but he was evil, emotionally unstable and an _enemy_ of the rebellion. The last time they had met, they had nearly killed each other in an intense and admittedly, _sexually-charged_ lightsaber battle. He was the last man in the Galaxy she should ever be connected to, no matter how attractive she found him.

Rey sat down at the table. She drank some more wine. It was sweet and tasted really nice, almost like fruit juice, you’d never know it was alcoholic; it went down so easy.

Jaina sat beside her and refilled her glass without asking her if she actually _wanted_ more wine and then leaned over to whisper in Rey’s ear. “I’m sending a card to Poe Dameron,” she tittered drunkenly.” He is _so_ hot. “I’ve made him this chocolate cafa pie.” She opened a box nearby, inside was a large dark pastry with a poem written on the top in white icing. 

_‘Dear Poe,_  
_Let me be your ho_  
_Just let it go_  
_And I’ll make you go Oh!_

Rey thought the pie was more likely to melt Poe’s teeth than melt his heart. 

The girls continued to laugh and drink while they discussed the good and bad points of practically every man at the base and beyond. More than a few trays of cookies had been burnt and there was sugar everywhere. Blue milk had been spilled all over the kitchen creating a sticky mess. 

As the hours passed some of the ladies were really starting to get quite smashed. Jaina had passed out in the corner next to the dishwasher droid (which was currently deactivated thankfully.) Callista and two others were playing cards and gambling with chips made out of broken biscuits. 

Rey herself was feeling _very_ merry. Her cheeks were rosy and her hair had started to come loose from the buns she had tied them in. They had all been pressuring her to start cooking and after eight glasses of wine, she’d finally relented. Jessika, who was by now slurring her speech quite a lot, pushed her to a nearby stove covered in gunk. “Go smake your Coru-Coruscshant beau some smexy schweeties.” 

The kitchen seemed to be thick with smoke and Rey’s head was swimming. She was starting to get that inexplicable hungry feeling she always experienced after binge-drinking. She decided she would _indeed_ create a culinary delight, but the only person who would be eating it was her. 

She opened the storage cupboard and looked at the various powders and packets; she had no idea what most of it all was. She then looked at the recipes strewn across the counter. The words were blurry… she squinted and then gave up. _“Sod this,”_ she thought and grabbed a vacuum-packed bag filled with green jelly. She was going to cook up the only thing she could be confident would turn out well while she was in such an inebriated state… _“Portion Bread!”_

Rey turned the dial on the unhygienic stove and used the kitchen faucet to fill a pan full of water. She stumbled with her footing as she crossed the kitchen and water sloshed upon the tiled floor. She placed the pan on the hob to heat it, before glugging down another mouthful of wine. Once the water was at boiling point she poured in the jelly. Moss-coloured dough quickly started to rise, soaking up the fluid completely. 

_“Good old portion bread,”_ she thought _“So easy to make.”_

She tried to take the loaf out of the pan, but clumsily knocked it off the hob. “Ooopsie!” she squealed and used the Force to catch the bread before it hit the floor. 

_“Good old Force,”_ she mumbled _“Always there to cover my arse.”_

“What the heck are you whipping up back there?” yelled Callista “It stinks like bantha shit y’know! Come back here and write out valentine cards with us.” 

Rey left the bread to cool on the counter and clutching the stem of her glass of wine, sauntered back to the table where the girls who were still conscious, were eagerly looking through stacks of cards; happily sketching designs and writing their professions of love to selected, lucky men. Some of the pictures and designs were quite tasteful, but a lot were pretty crude and smutty. 

“So c’mon Rey, admit it, you have an off-world boyfriend don’t you?” asked her sparring friend Qwi, a petite rebel soldier with twenty confirmed stormtrooper kills. 

Rey was now on her tenth glass of wine and was so plastered that she was not the slightest bit aware that she was letting her guard down. “ _Maybe_ there is someone I like, but we’re not going out,” she responded, a little spittle escaping her lips. “I knew it!” screamed Callista. “So where does he work?” 

Rey paused thoughtfully before stating “He’s some kind of boss in a large galactic company, I don’t really know what he does exactly” 

The girls continued to question her. “So ish he loaded s-then?” slurred Jessika. Rey once again thought carefully about this within her wine-addled mind. She had no idea about First Order remuneration. Kylo Ren didn't seem the sort to care much about money; he was in it mostly for the power-trip and Dark Side torture sessions. “He has his own company shuttle,” she said at last. This seemed to impress the others. 

Qwi handed her some coloured pens. “I _dare_ you to send him a valentine card,” she said playfully. Rey brought her glass to her mouth and promptly spilled half of it down her front as she shook her head. “No way, I couldn’t!” she yelped. 

The other girls started to laugh hysterically and made chicken noises at her until the peer pressure and her idiotic drunken pride caused her to grab a pen and yell: “Fine! I’ll show you what I dare!” She took hold of a folded piece of card which was completely blank and began to think of what she might draw on it. Sipping her wine she tried to get serious and concentrate. 

The other girls seemed to have finished writing and sealing their own valentine cards and had moved their discussions to other topics. Jessika was telling some _extremely_ rude jokes about Wookies, which moved their attention away from Rey who had her tongue stuck out slightly as she diligently worked on her masterpiece. 

In the end she had chosen to draw a lopsided heart with two lightsabers crossing together in front of it. She’d used a red highlighter pen to colour in one of the lightsabers and a blue crayon for the other. She had made sure to draw a couple of side blades on the red one, _“he’ll like that,”_ she thought groggily. _“Fuck, she felt tired!”_

All that was left to do was to write a message inside the card, but Rey found she could hardly focus at all… _“A little wine will fix that,”_ she thought and she proceeded to finish off the last dreg of the Endorian Wine. Eventually she scribbled a short phrase in almost illegible handwriting: 

_‘R4 is red, R2 is blue, if I was the Force, then I’d be with you.’_

She signed it off with _‘hugs and kisses from ?’_

She thought it was pretty lame, but it would prove her point to her friends… although she was struggling to remember what her point had been now. She slid the card in a red envelope and sealed it. She then picked up a pen again and wrote S.W.A.L.K over the seal. 

“Done it!” she shouted. The other girls turned to her surprised and then cheered and whooped. “What about the valentines schweeties Rey? You goshta send dem schweeties too or you’ll looks like a cheap… skate” Jessika said before resting her head in her hands and groaning. 

_“Damn it! What do I do now?”_ thought Rey. Her face then lit up as she recalled she _had_ already cooked something tonight. She stood up and the room spun about her like an escaped Rathtar. She gulped and sat back down again. Instead of using her own wobbly legs, she used the Force to levitate the portion bread over to the table. Her control was not too good and the loaf managed to hit Callista in the face. “Oi!” the girl complained and she shoved the now-cold snack across the table, back towards Rey. 

_“This’ll do,”_ she thought approvingly. _“Nutritious and it keeps you regular.”_

Rey picked up one of the packing boxes on the table and roughly stuffed the portion bread inside along with the envelope, spilling crumbs as she did so. 

Looking absently towards the window, Rey frowned. It was almost dawn and she could hear the birds around the base starting to sing their morning songs. She was starting to feel ill and desperately wanted to go back to her bed now. 

Hastily closing up the package with some tape, Rey started to write the address label out. _“Where exactly did Kylo Ren live?”_ she thought. When she’d first met him, she had assumed he lived on Starkiller Base, but since that place had blown up, did that mean he was homeless? In the end she jotted something generic and hoped whoever got it would forward it on. It read: Kylo Ren, Knight of Ren, C/o First Order Star Destroyer ‘Finalizer’ 

“Alright Ladies,” Qwi declared, “Let's call it a night. Callista, can you get Jaina to her room? Hey Rey since you’re _definitely_ going to be mailing that package can you take the rest as well on your way?” 

Rey nodded, she was far too drunk to capably argue anything right now. She raised herself from her chair with difficulty and pulled an empty flour sack off a shelf nearby. She threw her arms over the table and unceremoniously swept all the packages and cards into it, including her own. 

She watched as Jessika left the kitchen, bracing herself against the wall as she went. The good-natured pilot looked like she was about to heave up and was no doubt hurrying to the nearest fresher. 

Some of the girls hugged her and gave her sloppy kisses on her cheeks. Their breath smelled like Tie-fighter fuel. One by one, they journeyed back to their quarters and Rey followed them out carrying the sack of valentine goodies over her shoulder. 

The sun was starting to come up over the tree-filled horizon when Rey reached the D’Qar base post office. She felt pleased as she emptied the contents of her bundle into the silvery metal box that served as the mail depository. She had made it here before the first morning postal collection, so all the packages would be guaranteed for next-day delivery. She let out a very loud, disgusting burp that echoed around her. It was time to go to bed. 

Rey felt like it seemed to take forever to get back to her quarters, but eventually she found the door with her name etched on it and fumbled at a control panel to let herself back in. 

It was just too much effort to change her pyjamas or brush the fuzzy gloop from her teeth. She collapsed into her bunk on top of the data pad she had been reading earlier, unknowingly cracking the screen. The air was cold, but she did not have the strength to cover herself with the blanket. Almost as soon as her head hit her pillow, she was engulfed into unconsciousness and very soon began to snore so loudly that it could be heard in the neighbouring quarters. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my! That valentines surprise is whizzing through space to Kylo Ren
> 
> Argggggh
> 
> ^_^


	2. Breakfast at Kylo Ren's

Aboard the First Order Star Destroyer, _Finalizer_ stood a brooding bachelor.

The reflected stars of the galaxy glittered in Kylo Ren’s dark eyes as he stared into the black folds of infinite space via a large viewing window in his luxurious executive suite. 

He was fixating his malevolent gaze upon one point of light in particular… It was the star which had the D’Qar rebel base orbiting it, the place where the girl he had daily been obsessing over; was situated right at this moment. 

She was most likely in bed on a Saturday morning… he pegged Rey as someone who liked to sleep-in at the weekend. 

She would be all alone in her commoner’s bunk… her eyes closed and her lips slightly parted with her pretty brown hair spilling out over her pillow, looking like an exhausted angel. She’d be laying there wearing a thin, almost transparent white silk nightdress that hugged perfectly to the curves of her slim figure… Ren blushed, but he felt no guilt as he succumbed to the Dark Side and continued his line of thinking even further, as befit his evil reputation. 

Kylo Ren was walking towards the fresher when the intercom buzzed. “For fucks sake!” he hissed under his breath in frustration. He turned around on his heel and instead picked up his black and silver mask which rested upon his bedside table. He lifted the intimidating helmet above his mop of jet black hair and pulled the visor down over his scarred face, fastening the straps under his chin with a click. Only then did he push the communicator button on the console built into the same piece of furniture. “What?!” he shouted in a deep, menacing mechanical voice. 

“S-Sir,” said a male voice through the speaker, a tinge of panic attached to it. “I have brought your breakfast and morning deliveries. I-I- I’m outside your quarters as I s-say this." 

He sighed. _“What a pathetic bunch of spineless losers, he had working for him in the First Order,”_ he thought with disdain. _“Where did Hux hire these guys from? His grandfather Darth Vader would be rolling in his grave right now… if he hadn’t been cremated and become a force ghost.”_

Ren was rather hungry however, so he simply pressed the communicator button once again and stated in a calm tone, “enter.” 

There was a soft-sounding ring and the door to his cabin slid open with a swish. A pimpled boy in an intern uniform hesitantly came through. _“At least we’re not paying him,”_ thought Ren when he recognised the lowly rank. The young man wheeled over a trolley laden with food and various documents beside Kylo Ren’s long, black marble dining table. He then started to unload the contents onto the shiny, smooth surface. 

Ren strode over to the table and watched him work through the mask. Today’s breakfast consisted of a pot of hot cafa, a jug of blue milk, Bespin orange juice, toast and cereal; the latter being Imperial Honey Nut Rings, (he could not stand the taste of the non-branded crap.) The intern sweated under the gaze of the master of the Knights of Ren and shakily piled data pads onto the table followed by a tray which contained a huge stack of envelopes and packages. 

The trolley now empty, and his duty completed, the man bowed to Ren and started back towards the exit… _until_ he found himself bound rigid and paralysed, a sudden tightness gripped his windpipe and he looked like he wanted to clutch his throat but of course, his hands would not move. 

“Stay where you are boy.” said Kylo Ren behind him menacingly. “This toast… it’s made from wholemeal bread...” The intern felt himself being lifted off the floor and then he was hanging in the air, his legs dangling helplessly. “How many times do I have to tell you idiots that I only like _white_ bread?!” hissed Ren. The intern struggled to speak. In a choked and broken voice he gasped: “P-p-please… for…give… me… Lord… Ren…?” 

Kylo Ren smiled cruelly under his mask. He used the Force to fling the intern across his cabin, through the open door and let him smash into the bulkhead of the corridor outside. Ren could sense the boy’s crippling pain, as his ribs cracked and his arm was broken. “I _forgive_ you,” he said gently and waved his hand with a gesture that bid the intern farewell as much as it slammed the door shut… Ren did not really want to see or hear the other plebs peeling the young man off the floor outside. It was time to get on with his regular breakfast routine and he hated any _disturbances_ whether they be in the Force or whether they be from his incompetent underlings. 

He poured some blue milk into the black ceramic bowl of cereal before removing his mask once more. Ren then sat down at the table, using one of the sleek, embroidered black-cushioned chairs. He placed a black napkin over his lap to protect his midnight-black robes... Wherever possible he insisted on black décor and accessories, so the blue milk seemed to glow with light in contrast. He frowned, Ren hated the colour blue for several reasons, but even _he_ drew the line at black milk. 

He reached out with the Force to bring the data pads the unfortunate intern had brought in, to his long-fingered hands and skimmed them over. He exhaled with boredom. They were invoices and authorisation requests mostly. He really needed to get a lackey to deal with some of this paperwork, but for now he dutifully began to read the pads: 

RQ1: A rebel X-Wing pilot was being held in the detention block, what should be done with him? Kylo Ren knew nothing else could be tortured out of the pilot as he had overseen the procedure himself. He selected the _‘Terminate’_ checkbox on the form displayed on the data pad and moved on. 

RQ2: Three rebel prisoners were demanding to see their republic senators as part of their Galactic Human Rights charter. _‘Terminate’_ he selected again. 

RQ3: One from Phasma… Stormtrooper FNPI33ED, drunk on duty for a third time, what punishment should be given? He selected from the menu: _Torture >drown>beer>detox program_

RQ4: Lieutenant Palleon urgently needed Ren to send reinforcements to the Hoth system as his base was about to be overrun by the resistance. _‘Terminate’_ he selected absently. 

RQ5: General Hux had requisitioned a complaint form for the recent destruction of a brand new navigation computer via lightsaber by one 'Kylo Ren'. He was demanding that the replacement cost be cross-charged to Ren’s department in the First Order. _“The nerve of the man!”_ thought Ren angrily. He smirked to himself and selected _‘Torture’_ on the checklist, but then paused and reconsidered the decision. _“That pervert might actually enjoy being restrained and having pain administered upon his mind and body.”_ Ren scrolled down the list further and instead checked the box to authorise the cross-charge request. 

After authorising a few more invoices for two tonnes of white armour polish and three-dozen grey First Order hats, he had grown exasperated with the tedium and thrown the pads over his shoulder, where they clattered loudly against the black linoleum floor. 

He turned his attention to the tray piled with envelopes and parcels. _“There are more than usual today,”_ he thought.” He picked up and teared open a shiny envelope with Galactic Credit symbols splattered all over it. 

_“Rylo Ken, you may have won thousands in the Tatooine sweepstakes, open this letter now to find out how you can claim your prize!!!”_

_“So much fucking junk mail!”_ fumed Ren. He’d vaporised several planets in an effort to get his name removed from the mailing lists, but somehow these scammers just kept on managing to post him this stuff. 

He returned to the stack of correspondence and narrowed his eyes. He noticed there were a lot of _red_ envelopes and some of the packages seemed to have heart designs on the paper… _“Of course,”_ he thought as recognition dawned on him. Tomorrow was that sickening annual event known as Valentine’s Day. It appeared that the toadies within the First Order were already sending him cards and gifts, attempting to curry his favour in the hopes of gaining promotion or just simply trying to avoid having Kylo Ren selecting _‘Terminate’_ on a form with their name on it. 

As he opened more of his post, this theory rang true. He’d received a box of chocolates from Governor Daala on Endor, congratulating Ren on his recent Ewok culling. There was also a large card from the 501st legion which had a heart-shaped stormtrooper helmet on the front. Inside the card, all ninety-two of the soldiers in the legion had written that they hoped he had a great Valentine’s Day. 

He continued to rip apart packing paper and slice open envelopes only to casually toss the cards and sweets across the table as he unwrapped them. There were so many gifts from men who served aboard the Finalizer. One of these cards actually seemed to relay some sort of _genuine_ affection for him. The design on the front had a cartoon picture of Darth Vader holding hands with Grand Moff Tarkin with a smiley sunshine beaming down on the pair. Inside the sender had unsubtly written: 

_“YOLO, don’t be SOLO,_  
_I’ll always be here for you – GH”_

Whoever GH was, he could go take a running jump out of the nearest airlock! He was not into guys. 

There was a large and well-established gay scene within the First Order and a lot of notable same-sex couples were amongst the highest ranks. This was great for the homosexual guys of course, but the lack of women in the organisation meant that straight men had a lot of competition when it came to getting a date. Valentine’s Day seemed to magnify this gender inequality tenfold. He knew for a fact that Captain Phasma would receive scores of cards, just like she did every year; even though she had never given a card to anyone herself and would _certainly_ never give any man a gift of confectionary. 

It occurred to Kylo Ren, that when the First Order finally ruled the Galaxy he should petition Supreme Leader Snoke to ban Valentine’s Day on pain of death. It would focus the troops on more important matters and eliminate the sickening ripples of love that flowed through the Force at this time of year. 

He was about to spoon some cereal into his mouth, when he saw one last cheap and tatty-looking package lying on the tray… 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this could stretch out to more chapters than I had originally thought.
> 
> Tee Hee


	3. The Twisted Analysis of a Lonely Man

Kylo Ren frowned at the only parcel he had not yet opened. Unlike the other items he had received today, this one was not perfectly wrapped with quality paper and precisely cut tape or ribbons. Quite the contrary, this package appeared to be wrapped in plain, slightly torn, recycled brown paper. Nobody who belonged to the First Order would send him something that looked so lazily put together, out of fear that he would take it as a sign of disrespect for his esteemed position.

He lowered his spoon and let it lay beside the bowl of cereal. This was a _suspicious_ package… 

His first thought was… _“Is there a thermal detonator grenade inside!? Was it an assassination attempt by the resistance or the revenge attack of a disgruntled minion that he’d booted up the arse, one too many times?”_

He used the Force to carefully probe this box of mystery. He sensed nothing untoward and let out a breath which he hadn’t realised he’d been holding. It would not have been the first time he'd been obliged to disarm an incendiary device at a dinner table, but he was relieved he didn't need to worry about doing it this morning.

_“What the heck was it though?”_ he thought curiously. He picked up the parcel. It was not heavy. He then shook it a little and something quietly rattled inside. He looked at the label and scoffed. It was written in very messy black ink and did not include a Galactic Postcode. He was surprised it had made it to him at all. He turned it over and spied the post office stamp. It had been sent about four hours ago by first-class light speed delivery from a depot which used a Republic logo… _“It’s from a rebellion-held world,”_ he thought to himself. _“The plot thickens…”_

He promptly broke the seal on the packet and pulled it open. He was immediately greeted with a waft of foul-smelling vapour! He wrinkled his nose in disgust and held the packet at arms-length whilst covering his nose and mouth with part of his robe. It smelled like a cross between a trash-compactor and Supreme Leader’s Snoke’s socks. Ren carefully turned the box upside down and let the contents empty onto the table.

A red envelope had fallen out along with a shower of crumbs and a misshapen green lump of… _something,_ which was obviously the source of the terrible stench. He picked up the curious object and realised it was some kind of bread-like product. He squeezed the mound and found it to be hard and stale. He searched his memory and nodded to himself as he recalled he had seen similar loaves when he’d paid a token visit to the grunts on the lower decks. This was commoner food called _‘portion bread’_.

_“Why in the hell would someone send a man as sophisticated as Kylo Ren a piece of portion bread?”_ he thought angrily.

He let the bread fall back to the table and it made a 'thunk' sound as it landed. He picked up the card then. 

From outward appearances he guessed it was another valentine’s card. _“If this is a prank, I will hunt down the perpetrator and show them the full power of the Dark Side,”_ he swore to himself.

The envelope was covered in grease stains from the portion bread; he turned it over in his hands. Along the seal, written in capital letters was the acronym S.W.A.L.K.

_“Sealed with a Loving Kiss?!”_ he thought incredulously, _“Only a girl could have written something so stupidly fluffy… Had he actually received a card from a girl?”_

He opened the envelope without further delay and eagerly pulled out the valentine’s card inside. Ren thought the picture on the front looked like it had been drawn by a child. There was a large, unevenly proportioned pink heart with two crooked lightsabers crossed over the front. The red one kind of looked like his lightsaber and the blue one looked like… _hers._

Kylo Ren’s heart skipped a beat… could it be that _Rey_ had sent him the package?

He opened the card up, his breathing quickened as a read the message inside:

_‘R4 is red, R2 is blue, if I was the Force, then I’d be with you.’_

He scoffed instinctively, it was such a _cliché_ phrase, but he didn’t care… 

He closed his dark eyes and tried to remain calm. Was it possible that the scavenger girl who had bested him in battle and whom he thought about every night in bed… actually fancied him as well? She actually _wanted_ to be with him?

The card was signed off with _‘Hugs and Kisses’._

He smiled wickedly _“Oh my poor, naïve little Jedi! You’re so sweet and innocent,”_ he thought. In Kylo Ren’s fantasies he imagined her giving him much more than mere hugs and kisses. She definitely needed a teacher and a dark lord like himself could show her the perverted ways of the Force…

He jerked his filthy mind out of the trough reluctantly but firmly. He needed to be sure this was not a joke or some kind of resistance plot to lure him into an ambush. He analysed the card further. There seemed to be a long brown hair stuck to it, held in place by some sticky gunk. He pulled the hair away and examined it. Using the force he honed his senses… There was no doubt this hair belonged to Rey, it _smelled_ like Rey! This gooey, gross hair confirmed his wildest hopes! Rey had sent him this valentine's gift!

He slammed his fist down in triumph! Unfortunately in the euphoria of the moment he was not paying attention to his surroundings and the gloved-hand punched down into his bowl of cereal, sending blue milk and Imperial Honey Nut Rings flying everywhere. Ren cursed, and quickly moved his precious valentine card away from the mess. 

His thoughts returned to the portion bread again. So _that_ had been her Valentine’s treat for him. His initial revulsion to the loaf now turned to delight. He picked it up once more and touched it to his cheek. He understood perfectly now. Rey was a scavenger, living in poverty on a grotty rebel-scum base. She could not afford to give him fancy chocolate or cakes, so she’d instead sent him ‘poor-people food’ because it was all she had to offer.

_“She must have gone without food for a whole day, just to give me this,”_ he thought with wonder. _“She must truly love him and want to live with him forever.”_ Kylo Ren suddenly had a vision of the future: 

_He and Rey were getting married in a traditional Sith ceremony, he was dressed in his formal Knight of Ren regalia and she was wearing a sexy black leather wedding dress. They’d have their reception on the bridge of a Death Star and sit on raised twin thrones as they watched the destruction of an enemy planet below. They would feel millions of voices cry out and cheer before, suddenly being silenced. The guests assembled would toast them with Endorian Wine before they left for a hot and steamy Dagobah honeymoon._

Surely this vision was Force-inspired he determined. The Dark Side demanded that Rey had to become his girlfriend… _now!_ But he needed to figure out how to make this happen and what his next steps should be. Valentine’s Day was actually tomorrow on Sunday, so he still had time to post her a card in return, but he must get to work quickly.

Holding on to both the valentine card and the portion bread, he walked over to large mantelpiece on the main wall of his suite. This was the focal point of his quarters. A large and domineering portrait of his grandfather, Darth Vader hung above the mantelpiece and below it he had displayed all of his most treasured relics: An urn of his grandfather’s ashes, the charred skull of his Great Uncle Owen, the cut-off hood of Obi Wan Kenobi’s Jedi Robe and a glass jar containing a toenail that once belonged to Emperor Palpatine. He placed the card in the middle of the mantelpiece so it would be clearly visible to any visitors. 

He would have liked to place the portion bread on a display as well, but knew it would soon start to go mouldy. Instead Ren decided to keep it in the carbonite freezer of his kitchen where it could be preserved forever. The thought of eating it did cross his mind, but he knew it would cause him to pass a brick in the fresher the next day, so decided against it.

With his gifts from Rey adequately displayed and stored, he sat down at his computer console to create a suitable valentine’s card to give to Rey. Ren preferred to use technology for artistic tasks; he knew he could not draw for shit! He’d also need to visit the Finalizer’s florist, so he could give her some flowers when he joined her on D’Qar. Speaking of which, he needed to start his journey there pretty damn quick. 

He flicked the communicator switch on his console. “General Hux, would you join me in my quarters? “ he said into the speaker. “Yes Ren,” Hux responded quickly over the intercom, sounding surprised but slightly happy too for some reason.

Kylo Ren sensed the General arrive and used the Force to open the door automatically. There was no time to observe formalities today. Hux was not wearing his First Order officer’s cap and his red-gold hair was perfectly styled as usual. _“So vain!”_ thought Ren as he hypocritically ran his hand through his own designer black waves. He’d been so distracted by the events of this morning that he had forgotten to put his helmet on when using the communicator and receiving guests. Hux was staring at him and Ren could sense that the man’s thoughts were directed to this fact.

“General Hux, I have received a very special valentine’s card today and I feel the need to thank the sender personally.” 

The general smiled and looked excited, _“why?”_ Ren wondered. Hux was normally pissed off when Kylo Ren was happy and vice versa. 

“Really?! I’m so pleased” Hux said starting to approach him. 

“We must set course to the D’Qar rebel base immediately, hyper-light speed, it’s time my beloved Rey was by my side where she belongs!” stated Ren

“Oh...” said Hux, stopping still, before looking at the card on the mantelpiece. “I _see,_ ” he finished; looking disappointed. Ren chortled to himself as he continued to work on his computer console. He wagered Hux would not receive a single valentine’s card this year. He did not think the guy had _ever_ had a girlfriend.

“Very well,” said Hux dryly. “I assume we will be attacking and destroying the base as part of this mission?” Kylo Ren nodded as he typed on his keyboard. “Of course we will!” he responded tetchily and began to outline his strategy further.

“We’ll need to send in five Star Destroyers and ten squadrons of TIE fighters. Tell Captain Phasma to send in twenty legions of stormtroopers as well. Inform all personnel that tomorrow will be a Valentine’s Day that will be long be remembered throughout the galaxy, it will see the destruction of the rebellion _and_ it’ll be my first date with Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Valentine's has been and gone, but I'm determined to tell this story ^_^


	4. “I’m Hungover, Please Go Away.”

It was approximately 2pm on a wintery Saturday afternoon at the rebel D’Qar base. Outside of the collection of ramshackle hangars and buildings, it was starting to snow. A thin layer of white powder was already starting to settle on the tarmac of the X-Wing landing bays. The canopy of the forest surrounding the site was also starting to turn white, looking eerily beautiful.

However inside the base, within a room belonging to a young Jedi Knight, there was a less than pretty vision…

Rey vaguely became aware she was awake… and she was freezing. _“Am I in my bunk?”_ she thought, _“Where’s my blanket?”_ She grabbed around weakly, before realising her duvet must be on the floor.

Her head was throbbing with pain and she buried her face in her pillow, which was damp with drool. “Mwehhhhhar!” she groaned in a Wookie-like tone… _“Why am I hurting so bad? What have I been doing?”_ She tried to open one eyelid and then shut it again quickly as the crisp sunshine hit her bloodshot eyeball. 

She rolled her tongue in her mouth; she could taste alcohol between her teeth and around her gums, and suddenly remembered she’d been on a bit of a bender last night.

_“Not again,”_ she lamented. She had sworn to herself after her last piss-up with the girls about a month ago, that she would never get hammered again. Yet here she was once more; hungover and stinking like a seedy cantina. 

It must have been Endorian wine she’d been drinking and Rey inwardly chastised herself on her weakness for that particular beverage. When would she ever learn not to overstretch her limit? It was such un-Jedi like behaviour and she knew Master Luke Skywalker would have not been pleased if he could have seen the state she was in.

Rey used the Force to fully pull down the shade at her window, thus allowing her eyes to open unhindered by natural light. She sat up and gasped sharply, something was cutting into her leg. She felt down her side and found a jagged piece of plastic from a broken datapad. 

_“Yes, that’s right she had been reading last night,”_ she thought sluggishly. She’d been peaceful and content until Jessika Pava had whisked her away to the kitchens. Rey found it difficult to recall exactly what happened after that. The memories were blurry at best.

Rey tried to focus on her digital clock and then moaned dejectedly as she realised that she had wasted half her Saturday already. She was feeling so ill that she considered just staying in bed for the entire day to recover, but unfortunately her bladder would not let her.

She moaned as she groggily got out of her bunk and dragged her body over to the fresher cubicle in the corner of her quarters. She was feeling dizzy, but managed to pull her pyjama bottoms and her cotton knickers down her legs and around her ankles. She sat down on the toilet just in time before the previous evening’s liquids expunged themselves.

As she urinated, she let her head drop back and smiled, “Ahhhhhhhh, thank the maker” she exhaled. She knew that she must have been holding it in for some time while she slept and the release felt heavenly. Even after she’d finished peeing, Rey stayed sat on the chrome toilet seat; it was comfortable and felt like a safe haven. _“Nothing quite like your own loo,”_ she thought. 

She noted that her Yoda pyjama top had booze spilled down the front of it. Her brown hair was stuck out in all directions like a scarecrow. _“I must look and smell so gross right now,”_ she thought miserably. She needed to get changed and washed at the very least.

There was loud knocking on her door, which in her fragile state felt and sounded like a round of ion cannon blasts hitting her temples. _“I’m hungover, please go away,”_ was what she wanted to say, but she knew it could be important. Also she had learnt that her stubborn friends would not rest until they had poked their noses into her business at least once a day. It was futile to prolong the fight against their interference.

“I-I’m c-coming,” she rasped weakly. Rey lifted her bum off the commode and pulled her clothing back up to her waist. She walked unsteadily on her bare feet to the entrance of her room. She pushed the switch to slide the door open and discovered that the visitor was Finn.

The good-looking dark-skinned former stormtrooper had a big grin on his face which abruptly started to fade as he beheld the drunken-wreck that was named Rey.

“Oh Rey You look terrible! Are you feeling alright? Nobody has seen you all day and I’m starting to understand why!”

“Well you see…, “ she began in a croaking voice, but could not seem to finish her sentence. She could feel the tell-tale turning in her stomach which served as a familiar warning that she was going to throw-up at some point in the near future.

Finn let himself in, but then screwed up his nose and wafted his left hand around. 

“Pew, it’s _whiffy_ in here girl, you should open a window.” He did not wait for a response from her before he proceeded to re-raise the shade on the window and open the oval pane a crack, letting a biting draft came in. Rey hissed at the light and shivered at the cold, however she remained quiet. She was too weak to challenge or argue much on anything at the moment. All she wanted to do was lie down and die, perhaps then the room would stop spinning.

Finn started chatting away to her in his normal cheery mode. “You look just like Jessika did, when I saw her this morning,” he laughed. “I know what you ladies were up to last night… making valentine’s cards and treats whilst getting royally drunk! By the way the kitchen staff are absolutely _livid_ at the mess you made down there. They’re making a formal complaint to General Organa.”

Rey sighed. There was a good chance she was going to be assigned to cleaning the Taun-Taun stables this week, she predicted.

Finn continued on, seemingly oblivious to her need to be _alone_ right now. “Most of the guys in the barracks are just itching to know if they’ve been sent gifts this year, but it seems like _some_ of you girls were _just_ as eager because the postal droids have already delivered quite a few items this morning.”

He grinned at Rey and suddenly wrapped his arms around her torso and hugged her. 

It took her by surprise and she involuntarily hiccupped and then gulped down within her throat, she was managing to hold back the vomit… _just._

Finn clasped his hands together behind her waist and rested his head on her shoulder before gently saying. “Thanks for the valentine’s card and present Rey, I really liked them.” 

Rey went stiff and felt awkward to say the least, not knowing quite how to respond. She patted Finn on the back and carefully untangled herself from his embrace. 

_“Had she made valentine’s gifts for Finn last night?!”_

There were flashes of memory coming back to her. She’d been cooking something on a dirty stove and visions of tacky cards were floating around in her subconscious. _“Oh God, what have I done?”_ she thought despairingly. Rey liked and valued Finn as a friend and felt guilty that she might have sent him a pity gift which could raise his hopes (and the hopes of all those who shipped them at the base) that they might become a romantic couple.

“Listen Finn, I’m not sure I…” she began, but he did not let her finish. 

“I knew you’d try to play coy with me Rey, but don’t think just because you didn’t sign the card; that I don’t know it was from you,” exclaimed Finn, his face beaming. He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a small card, handing it over to her. She was still having problems with her vision and squinted while she viewed it. 

The card had a picture of a cute black and silver astromech droid sitting in an X-wing. The pilot of the plane could be seen in the cockpit and he was winking suggestively. She opened the card and read the phrase inside:

_‘I’ve found the droid I’ve been looking for’_

Rey could not understand why she would have sent such a card. Last night ‘drunk-Rey’ must have thought it was humorous for some reason. However the joke was lost on ‘hungover-Rey’. She handed it back to Finn uncertainly and gave him a forced smile. “Glad you liked it,” she said wearily.

“I’ve not eaten any of the cake yet, I’m going to share it with the rest of the gang later at dinnertime.” Finn said, “I must admit Rey, you’ve kept your skills at catering well-hidden, it’s almost _too_ beautiful to eat.”

Alarm bells now rang in Rey’s mind. She could _just_ about believe she might have made a valentine card for Finn while under the influence, but to bake a delicious cake!? She would not have been able to do even when she was stone-cold sober. 

There was no time to ponder this mystery further though, as the bile that had been steadily moving up from her stomach; started to win its war with her gag reflexes.

“I’m going to be sick, Finn, you had better go; you _don’t_ want to see this…” 

“Oh poor girl! Let me help you out Rey.” He took her hand and pulled her to the fresher cubicle. “Let go of my hand Finn, I know how to vomit,” she stated tiredly. However he did not listen and accompanied her inside. She had no time to be angry with him though as she instantly lost her control and heaved up a mixture of cake, sweets and red-white coloured liquid into the toilet-bowl. Finn was holding her hair back from her face like a true gentleman.

“You really should flush the toilet after each use.” she heard Finn say while she emptied her stomach. “You’re not alone on Jakku anymore, you need to start being a bit more lady-like.” he laughed. She felt her face flush hotly as she spat out the remaining chunks of last night’s debacle. _“I’m not an animal Finn,”_ she thought angrily. She _did_ normally flush the toilet but she’d been distracted by the knock on the door. That was _his_ fault, not hers. 

As if to stress that he perceived her incapable of doing such a simple task. Finn reached over and pulled the cord to flush the mix of urine and vomit down into the D’Qar drains on her behalf. The cistern started to fill with a loud droning noise that made Rey’s head buzz uncomfortably.

She managed to stand upright and look Finn in the eyes. “Please Finn, I appreciate your concern, but I can take care of myself, I um… have some things I need to do now, but I’ll see you later at dinner OK?” 

Finn looked a little crestfallen, but nodded. “Yes, I understand, I’m sorry if I embarrassed you.” He gave her an affectionate kiss on the cheek. “Keep a lookout for the postal droid tomorrow Rey, there might be a surprise for you.” he said slyly as he left her side and exited her quarters.

Rey collapsed back on her bunk in relief. _“Sorry Finn,”_ she thought. The truth was that she _had_ been slightly humiliated to have him witness the worst excesses of her hangover, but due to the fact that she saw him as a friend rather than a potential lover, it had _not_ been mortifyingly embarrassing. 

She was also pretty sure now that she’d not sent that card or cake to Finn; but was at a loss on how to tell him this. 

Also if it had not been her, then just who _had_ given them to him?

Rey concluded that she'd not been in any fit state to produce valentine cards or treats for anyone last night... It was probably for the best. There was nobody at the base whom she felt she could _properly_ connect with when it came to love and relationships. None of the guys were force-sensitive and would probably be intimidated by her powers and independent spirit. 

Closing her eyes, Rey unwittingly thought about the only person whom she had ever felt an attraction to, a crazy megalomaniac who was one of the most evil men in the Galaxy, Kylo Ren. She felt like a deviant and a traitor as she imagined what his body might look like under all those black robes. _“Stop thinking about him you silly bitch,”_ she firmly told herself. 

Her mind then wandered to her own physique. She realised that she was starting to let herself go a bit. Cake and wine were not conducive to a trim figure. She really needed to get her arse down to the D’Qar gym and work out, especially on her abdominal muscles; otherwise she would start to fill out like a Hutt.

Rey was starting to fall back asleep, but the thoughts of Kylo Ren, abdominal workouts at the gym and the pounding background music of her alcohol-riddled head, caused everything to jumble up into a strange and warped half-dream… 

The digital clock beeped. Rey jerked upright. It was 5pm! “Dammit,” she gasped. It was almost time for dinner to be served!

She touched her forehead with the back of her hand. She actually felt a lot better now after having slept a few more hours, despite the hallucinogenic dreams. It reminded her of the time the medics had given her some gas to treat a blaster injury, it had caused her to see some crazy shit and the same thoughts had repeated over and over in her mind… _Weird._

Rey made her way into her small shower in the fresher and finally stripped off her soiled pyjamas. She let the water fall into her mouth and scrubbed herself hard with the rough edged loofah and some cleansing gel that smelled of Bespin oranges. 

After drying herself with a towel she pulled out a basic grey rebel uniform and boots from her wardrobe and rapidly got dressed. Fixing her hair into her trademark triple-bun style, she looked at herself in her mirror. She was a bit too pale, but her eyes looked brighter than before, this was as good as she was going to look today she decided.

With that, she hurriedly left her quarters and made her way once more to the base’s canteen. 

She noted that someone had decorated the corridors of the base with pink and red paper hearts ready for the big day tomorrow. It made her smile; even in war it was nice to try and keep up the old traditions. _She_ might be single and alone, but it made her happy to think that _others_ might find their one true pairing this weekend. 

When she reached the canteen, most of the tables were already full with various pilots, technicians and resistance officers. They were tucking into the roast bantha burgers and TIE-fries that always seemed to be the Saturday special. 

As she went to the serving area and held out a tray, she received some sharp and disapproving looks from the kitchen staff as they plopped her food onto her plate. She looked down apologetically, but said nothing.

Rey could see Jessika sitting with Finn at a table in the corner and walked over to them. She placed her tray down and sat in one of the metal folding chairs, trying not to make eye contact with Finn. “Well look who decided to show her face?” laughed Jessika. Rey smiled sheepishly and started to nibble on her TIE-fries. 

“Don’t feel bad Rey, I was just as bad; if not worse than you last night,“ said Jessika lightly. “I’ve discovered that I’ve managed to send cards to six different guys and two of them I don’t even _know!_ I’ve had to break a few hearts today and it’s been tough.” She said these words with an air of mock-sadness whilst nudging her face sideways, silently gesturing towards Finn.

Rey noticed that Finn had held true to his earlier promise and brought his valentine cake with him to dinner to share. Her jaw dropped in wonder. It was truly a marvellous cake!

It was in the shape of a jacket. It had brown and red icing and was almost an exact replica of the one Finn always wore, right down to the piping and insignia. _“Definitely not one of my creations!”_ she thought. 

Finn had his attention focused on a table full of X-Wing pilots and was beckoning for one of them to come over and look at the cake.

“Hey Poe! Come and have a slice of this cake bro!” 

The handsome, charismatic Poe Dameron was the most skilled pilot in the resistance and the popular leader of black squadron. He waved to them and confidently strutted over to their table. He sat down opposite Finn. 

"Look Poe, I received this cake for Valentine’s Day, it looks just like the jacket you gave me, isn’t it amazing?” 

Poe’s soft brown eyes twinkled as he saw Finn’s excited visage. He pushed a lock of his wavy brown hair behind his ear and placed his elbows together on the surface of the table while lazily resting his chin in his hands. “You’re a lucky man Finn,” responded Poe, seemingly transfixed by Finn’s face. “Have you tried any yet?”

“I’m not sure I want to slice it up, but I _am_ desperate to try it,” said Finn, sounding conflicted. 

“I’m pretty psyched to try it too buddy,” Poe said in return, with a dreamy look on his chiselled features. 

Poe picked up a spoon from the table. “Here I’ll help you get started.” The pilot dug the spoon into the side of the tasty jacket-shaped dessert and swirled it around to fill it with sponge and icing. He then raised the spoon and reached over the table, letting it hover at the edge of Finn’s lips. 

Finn stared back over at Poe uncertainly and then slowly opened his mouth to let Poe push the sweet cake past his teeth and onto his tongue. He had taken only half of the spoon’s contents before Poe snatched it back and slowly licked the rest of the serving off the spoon with his own tongue, appearing to savour the taste.

“Mmmm… chocolatey and sweet, it’s delicious,” said Poe, biting his lower lip reflectively. He raised his eyebrows at Finn, before giving him a roguish smile.

Rey blushed and Jessika smirked as they witnessed this exchange. Rey thought she could literally hear the metallic sound of a penny dropping in her head. She hoped Finn was not too deaf to hear it as well. 

Finn looked a bit confused, but seemed to shrug it off. “Yeah, you’re right bro, it tastes as good as it looks. Since you like it so much, I’ll save you a slice and drop it off at your quarters tonight.”

“I look forward to it buddy,” Poe said as he stood up and gave Finn a brotherly slap on the shoulder. The pilot then went back to sit with his fellow X-Wing pilots.

Jessika giggled, “I think there are going to be a lot of disappointed girls tomorrow.” Finn who was now shovelling cake into his mouth turned to her and gave her a quizzical look. “What are you on about Jess?” he asked around a mouthful of icing. “Never mind,” Jessika responded with a sigh. “Give me a slice of that would you? Do you want some Rey?”

Rey declined the offer as she was still too delicate to handle such heavy food. She’d eaten most of her bantha burger and that was more than enough to fill her for now.

The three of them spent Saturday evening in the recreation room. They watched a documentary on the life of the famed bounty hunter Boba Fett, before settling down to play a few rounds of galactic blackjack. As usual there were complaints that Rey was probably cheating. “She uses the Force to see what the cards are!” Jessika wailed. Rey laughed, “That’s not how the Force works Jess.”

Time ticked on and it suddenly became late. 

Finn stated he needed to see Poe before he went to bed and made his goodbyes. Both Jessika and Rey smartly decided to retire to their quarters as well. 

Rey felt that her room had aired out a little by having the window open all day. However it was frigid in temperature when she walked in. There was a small pile of slush on the window ledge where some snow had blown in. She wiped it up with the cloth from the shade and closed the pane. She used the Force to heat up the air in the room slightly. There was no central heating in this part of the base, so she was glad that Master Luke had shown her this useful Jedi technique.

Her digital clock now showed that it was past midnight. It was officially Valentine’s Day. _“Yay,”_ she thought half-heartedly. 

Rey was sure it would be just another dull Sunday on D’Qar, as she climbed into her cot yet again. 

She remembered it had been snowing. _“Maybe I’ll build a snowman,”_ she thought before drifting into peaceful slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm British, so apologies if I am using some unfamiliar slang. 
> 
> The video is made by Tom Kiryu. I saw it on Youtube and felt it had to be part of this story.


	5. A Valentine's Day Massacre - First Order Style!

Rey awoke on Valentine’s Day at a surprisingly decent time in the morning.

She jumped out of her cot and opened her window shade fully to peer outside. She smiled happily at the view. There was a blanket snow covering almost everything. _“Perfect,”_ she thought. 

Eagerly she entered the refresher and showered thoroughly. To save time she shaved her armpits and brushed her teeth at the same time. Hair stubble, toothpaste and dead skin mingled together around the drainage. Rey had always been good at multi-tasking and using the Force had accentuated these skills to a new level. Afterwards she roughly dried her clean skin and her hair with a soft towel. 

She rifled through the meagre collection of outfits hanging in her wardrobe and selected the warmest garments she could find. First she pulled on some thick thermal underwear and a padded bra, before buttoning up a beige long-sleeved shirt over the top. She chose grey woollen trousers to keep her legs toasty and the ewok-fur boots that her sandwich-loving friend Lieutenant Porkins Jnr bought her for her birthday. They were ugly-looking but would stop the cold from freezing her small tootsies.

She effortlessly tied her hair up in her practical three-bun style, but in addition to the normal elastic bands that kept everything in place she thought she would get in the spirit of the day and tied the two lowest coils of hair with thin red ribbons. Rey also carefully tied a larger pink ribbon into a cute bow on the topmost bun. Admiring herself in the mirror, she giggled at her uncharacteristic girly look. 

Just as she was about to leave her room, there was a mechanical tapping at the door of her quarters.

 _“Geez, will I ever have a day where someone doesn’t come knocking?”_ she thought with irritation.

She was beside the door, so she pulled the switch to open it and blinked in surprise at the gleaming bronze-coloured protocol droid who greeted her. It was the D’Qar base postal droid C3M41L-O, on his morning delivery round. 

“Good morning to you Mistress Rey, I have a delivery for you this fine Valentine’s Day,” he said in a pompous mechanical voice. He had a large red envelope in his hand which he was now offering to her like a poisoned chalice. Rey’s eyes widened and she felt a twinge of unease in her abdomen. It was a valentine card.

 _“Finn!”_ she thought immediately. That sweet but clueless fool of a man had clearly not understood the subtle friendzone hints she had sent his way yesterday. She doubted he had clocked on to the not so-subtle romantic advances of his friend Poe either.

Gingerly she gripped the card away from C3M41L’s robotic hand. “Thank-you,” she muttered casting her head downwards in resignation. The droid did not acknowledge the sarcasm in this pleasantry and politely responded “You’re most welcome mistress, it is always a pleasure to serve you.” He bowed slightly, making a rusty creaking sound and briskly waddled down the corridor to continue his postal duties.

Rey retreated back into her quarters and sat down on her cot to look at the envelope she had received. From the outside it looked quite ostentatious and expensive. The address was written in a beautiful cursive hand. Rey frowned for a moment. It seemed strange that Finn would be an expert at calligraphy, she was sure it wasn’t a skill the First Order taught their stormtrooper cadets.

The queasy feeling in her bowels was starting to become more prominent. _“Could this card be from someone… else?”_ she thought with uncertainty. Rey examined the post mark. 

_“Hang on… this card has come from offworld!”_ Her mind was running wild. What was going on here? 

As she grasped for explanations, one thought hit her suddenly… _“Master Skywalker!”_ Of course, sending her a card on Valentine’s Day was his token of fatherly affection for her. No doubt he’d been lonely since she’d returned to the D’Qar base after completing her stay with him on Ahch-To during her first term of Jedi-training. Perhaps this was his way of saying he wanted her to come back soon.

_“Don’t worry dear old Master, it won’t be long before I keep your company again, I’ll cook you my patented portion bread that you like so much.”_

Feeling more at ease now, Rey opened the envelope seal and let the card slide out.

She gasped and put her hand over her mouth. The card was definitely _not_ from Master Luke… nor Finn… or anyone with a shred of decency!

The card in her hands bordered on obscene and Rey’s face started to blush as red as the fires of Mustafar.  


The detailed picture on the front was of a man and woman embracing… or to be more precise ‘making love in the missionary position’. The figures were wrapped in black satin sheets which left nothing to the imagination. The woman in the image had long brown hair and sort of looked like her…

Wait a minute, was that the picture on her Forcebook profile? The creator of this card had digitally edited it into the scene! Who would be sick or cruel enough to do such a thing? Her focus shifted to the male in the picture. The man was facing downwards, his face hidden but he was tall and lithe of frame; with pale skin and long flowing black hair not unlike… _his_ hair.

“Surely not!” she squeaked out loud. She opened the card, hardly daring to breathe. The same elegant handwriting that had been on the envelope also graced the inside.

 

_“I am the shadow… and you are the light,_  
_And when last we met… you gave me one hell of fight,_  
_But I’m coming for you now… to set all things to right,_  
_And force-bound… you’ll fuck your Dark Knight!”_

 

_Love from Kylo Ren Esq_  
_(Master of the Knights of Ren)_

 

“Shiiiiiiiiiitttt!” Rey shouted and threw the card away as if it were on fire. It was so dirty and _very_ scary. This intense man was bloody crazy and obviously had an ego the size of Jabba’s arse!

Yet she secretly had to admit to herself that it was also kind of… _exciting?_

She had long ago admitted to herself she was attracted to him. There had been so much Force wielding and charged tension between them back on Starkiller Base; and he’d not been unpleasant to look at. However she could never envision them as a _couple._ They were enemies and the only time this status would change would be the inevitable day that one of them brutally killed the other.

Throwing herself back on her blankets she pulled a pillow over her face and screamed into it to muffle the sound. Her plans for a fun day in the snow were now in tatters and she was unsure of what action to take next. Fortunately… or _unfortunately_ for Rey, the emergency alarm of the base made the decision for her.

“ALERT!! ALERT!! ALL PILOTS TO PLANES! ALL SOLDIERS TO BATTLE STATIONS! WE ARE UNDER ATTACK FROM THE FIRST ORDER FLEET! REPEAT ALERT!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!”

Rey snapped to attention at the sound. “Gods no, please no,” she wailed.

The lights suddenly dimmed and crackled and Rey heard the hum of the shield generator coming to life. The base would now be covered in a dome of protective plasma which would hopefully limit the damage of any turbo laser fire and phased bomb blasts that the First Order threw at them. 

She sat up and quickly opened the drawer beside her bed, grabbing the lightsaber she had recently built while training with Master Luke. She clipped it to her belt and then rushed over to a closet and took out the large flak jacket inside. She shrugged it on and zipped up, pulling the hood tightly over her head. 

There was suddenly a large explosion on the opposite side of the base and Rey stumbled a little from the shockwave. The ceiling of her room started to rain pieces of plaster and her mirror fell off the wall, smashing upon the tiles of her floor. 

She steeled herself determinedly, no matter _who_ was leading this attack; she would do her duty for the rebellion. 

Her assigned role during an attack was to control one of the ion cannons near the main entrance to the base, thus she left her quarters and ran through the quaking corridors so she might reach her destination quickly. She noticed sadly that the paper hearts that had been hung as decorations were now peeling off the crumbling walls. 

Although they had all practiced for such an attack many times, Rey had a _bad feeling_ about the outcome of this particular First Order raid. Even though she was still indoors, she could hear the screech of what must be hundreds of TIE fighters above. Also the thud of turbo laser fire on the shields was so frequent, that she estimated there must be at least three, maybe more star destroyers firing upon them! She knew D’Qar could not withstand such an assault for long. 

There were people and droids scrambling everywhere, Rey was nearing the door of Poe’s quarters. She saw the dashing pilot exit, fully dressed in his orange X-Wing gear and black squadron helmet. She raised her eyebrows as she noted a certain friend had followed him out. Finn look dishevelled and was hastily pulling on his gloves and strapping his blaster into the holster around his shoulders. Poe gave her a wink as he ran past her towards the hangar. Finn gave her a sheepish smile as she high-fived him and waved goodbye. There wasn't time to say anything else, she needed to get to her station. 

Finally she arrived at the main entrance and the cannons were already firing in earnest into the freezing atmosphere. She could see her friend Qwi toting a huge blaster on her shoulder as she departed to the battle field outside, ready to add more stormtrooper kills to her tally. 

Rey glanced behind her, the rebel leaders would hopefully be safe in the central bunker. She could hear commands being given by General Organa over the loudspeaker and Rey hoped that the former princess had a plan up her sleeve.

She clambered up to a nearby ion cannon and used the controls to raise the gunner seat. The screen in front of her lit up to give her a view of the environs surrounding the base. Rey moaned despairingly as she viewed the legions of stormtroopers who surrounded the shield wall. She could see star destroyers looming menacingly in the grey skies above and everywhere there seemed to be hails of green and red blaster bolts and laser fire. 

This raid seemed like pure _overkill_ on the part of the First Order!

Taking aim at a group of TIE fighters attacking a rebel fighter position, Rey pulled at the triggers of her ion cannon. Using the Force, her aim was true and she destroyed two of them with one shot. She’d always detested the annoying sound TIE fighters made and started to target another squadron… 

However Rey did not get the opportunity to fire any more rounds as a _gigantic_ blast rocked the base to its very foundations, blowing the goggles from her face and critically damaging the ion cannon she was manning.  


The comm system blared:

“THE SHIELDS ARE DOWN! CONFIRMED THE FIRST ORDER HAS DESTROYED THE SHIELD GENERATOR, PREPARE FOR GROUND ASSAULT AND INFILTRATION, FALL BACK, REPEAT FALL BACK!”

She dejectedly climbed down from the ruined cannon and turned towards the large open entrance that served as the main gateway of the base. The wind was coldly gusting in her direction and she could hear the monotone voices of the First Order soldiers yelling at her compatriots to surrender and drop their weapons. She could already see in the distance that white armoured troopers were leading rows of captives along the snowy trenches with hands on their heads.

For some reason the old golden C-3PO droid with the stupid-looking red arm chose to approach her at that moment and stated in a whining tin voice “We’re doomed!”

Rey had to agree with him though, this was definitely a ‘shit your pants’ moment.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Above D’Qar base the Star Destroyer Finalizer was hovering like a huge dark hawk, ready to pounce on its prey and clutch it within its talons.

Kylo Ren stood on the command deck of the bridge, intently checking the progress of the devastating raid on a large viewing monitor. He smiled in satisfaction beneath his gleaming mask as he saw the shield generators _finally_ explode in an orange flower of flame. It had taken twenty minutes of sustained non-stop turbo-laser fire, but it had been worth it.

General Hux soon joined him at the monitor and touched his cap slightly to salute Ren. 

“The shields are now confirmed to be down,” stated Hux, “Captain Phasma is leading her troops into the structure itself now. The rebels seem to be retreating back into the centre of the base, but we have them surrounded. There will be no escape for your scavenger girl or anyone else for that matter.”

“Good,” said Kylo Ren in a deep voice. “Are you _sure_ the stormtroopers understand their part in the spectacle we will perform once the base is ours and the surviving rebels are all captured and shackled?”  


Hux grimaced a little, “Yes, Phasma has selected the most appropriate troops to assist in this matter, but she… I… we don’t quite understand why…” Ren cut off his query abruptly. “It is not for you to reason why Hux, but rest-assured it is _pivotal_ to the successful completion of our mission.” 

The general nodded and reached for a datapad on the console where Kylo Ren was leaning. As he grasped the pad his hand brushed the dark knight’s leather-gloved hand. “Apologies Lord Ren,” said Hux with a slight blush to his pallid cheeks. However Ren was not listening to Hux anymore… instead he was keying in commands on the communication console. 

The picture on the large monitor changed from the birds-eye view of the besieged D’Qar base into a sea of static, before slowly the image of a mature and dignified woman appeared. Her hair was greying and bound in tight braids around her head. Her lips were pressed in a thin line of disapproval as she glanced icily at Ren. _“No change there then,”_ he thought. He opened the channel to commence conversation.

“Happy Valentine’s Day mother dearest, I’ve returned home; have you missed me?” he said jovially.

General Leia Organa, leader of the Galactic rebellion; silently stared daggers at her wayward son.

“I’m guessing you didn’t get a card this year, seeing as your husband is dead and all… Sorry I couldn’t make the funeral, but I figured that since I’d _already_ scattered Han Solo’s ashes on Starkiller Base, there was really no point in attending,” he continued just as cheerfully.

“Just tell us your terms Ben Solo!” shouted Leia.

Kylo Ren bristled at the sound of his former name, but decided to let it go… _for now._

“Very well, mother,” he responded curtly. “You and all the rebel scum you have hiding in that shithole of a base are to lay down your weapons and surrender unconditionally to the First Order troops who are at this very moment, already taking control of your operations; room by filthy room.”

Leia looked uncertain and Ren sensed her emotion through the Force. He knew she’d be holed up in the safest area of the base and he suspected there could still be some sort of secret exit that some of the rebels might use to escape… that might include Rey and he would _not_ allow that to happen.

“Don’t even _think_ of letting anyone slip away General,” growled Ren. “If you do, I shall have no choice but to execute _every_ worthless rebellion prisoner I take this day. Surely the death of so many is not worth the lives of a few escapees?”

Leia gritted her teeth and screwed up her eyes in anger, but begrudgingly nodded to him. “Alright we will surrender the base, but you had better keep your end of the deal.” She said bitterly.

“Oh don’t worry mother, I prefer to take traitors alive rather than kill them if at all possible,” he chuckled. “The First Order will be able to buy some choice ships and equipment with the money we make from selling you all to the slave traders. Maybe your next home will be the spice mines of Kessel or who knows perhaps a sleazy Tatooine brothel?” 

Leia’s eyes widened in absolute disgust at her son’s insolence. Kylo Ren was enjoying pissing off his mum but he needed to instill fear into her to ensure she complied with his next request, the _true_ reason this attack was taking place at all, if truth be told.

“Now General Organa, my leniency depends on you obeying this specific instruction.” Kylo Ren leaned forward eagerly. “The scavenger girl Rey… I know she is hiding down there with you somewhere. You will order her to go outside and wait at the front of the base _alone…_ I will greet her there… _personally._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't miss the exciting conclusion to this tale, it'll blow your mind! ^_^


	6. "Kylo Ren has us Bent Over a Barrel!"

  
  


Rey had retreated along with many other rebels back into the bowels of the D’Qar Base after the destruction of the shield generator.

She’d managed to find an abandoned blaster in the chaos that had ensued when the stormtroopers had come pouring through the main entrance and she was now kneeling side by side with Finn and Jaina behind a makeshift barricade of fallen masonry.

She shot round after round of fire at the approaching stormtroopers, cursing as they deftly pulled back around the edge of the corridor. 

“This is a fucking bloodbath!” yelled Jaina. “We need those idiots in charge to give us some kind of plan, I mean do we just wait until the bastards slaughter us all?!”

“I’m going to make a break for the central bunker,” Rey said, panting slightly. “I’ll update General Organa on the dire situation and hopefully you’ll receive some tactical orders soon.” She turned around and felt a tug on her sleeve. “Don’t do anything stupid Rey,” said Finn, gazing at her with his gentle brown eyes. She grabbed his hand in response. “I know we’ll see each other again my friend.” 

_“I just hope it’s not in the mortuary,”_ she secretly thought to herself.

She kissed his forehead quickly and then scarpered down the corridor, diving to avoid the heavy First Order gunfire. 

It did not take her too long to reach the bunker entrance. She calmly punched in the _classified_ access code, and the blast door slid apart instantly. As she stepped inside, a dozen blaster nozzles were pointed in her direction. Those sheltering here had obviously thought she was the enemy, ready to finish them off. 

“Lower your rifles you idiots, she’s with us!” shouted General Leia Organa. Warily, the assembled elderly rebel leaders obediently re-holstered their blasters on their hips and turned back to their command consoles. The blast doors once again closed and Rey hurried over to Leia. She hugged the woman whom she felt had become the mother she never had; grateful that the worst of the fighting had not yet touched this part of the base.  


She tensed as she realised that the general was not returning her embrace. She sensed that Leia was about to _disappoint_ her in some way. 

“General, the First Order is on their way to this location, we’re trying to hold them off but their numbers are just too great,” stated Rey, gesturing with raised hands to emphasise the scale. “Should we give the encrypted call to evacuate through the concealed underground caverns?” she queried.

Leia shook her head sadly. “No my sweet girl, not this time. I’m afraid my patricidal _little shit_ of a son has us bent over a barrel” The general turned back to her console and activated the comm system:

“NOW HEAR THIS, ALL RESISTANCE PERSONNEL ARE ORDERED TO LAY DOWN THEIR ARMS AND SURRENDER. ALL PILOTS ARE TO LAND THEIR CRAFT AND HAND THEMSELVES OVER TO THE NEAREST FIRST ORDER UNIT. REPEAT, THIS IS AN ORDER FROM GENERAL LEIA ORGANA, WE HAVE AGREED A PEACEFUL SURRENDER. YOU WILL BE TAKEN PRISONER BUT REMAIN UNHARMED, SO LONG AS YOU PEACEFULLY YIELD; THAT INCLUDES YOU JESSIKA PAVA!”

The other rebel leaders did not seem too shocked by Leia’s transmission and Rey assumed that they had agreed to this course of action before her arrival. Rey had to agree that they couldn't win this battle. _“Still… why don’t some of us make a break for it? We need to report back to the Republic and regroup at a new base,”_ she thought with confusion.

The screens and radar grids which were scattered around the bunker showed that the D’Qar rebels were obeying Leia’s instructions, even if they did not look very happy about it. She spied Callista dicing with death as she spat at the feet of a stormtrooper while she was being handcuffed.

“Rey, it’s all up to you now,” said Leia softly. “You must go and face _him._ ”

Rey gaped at Leia in concern, “What are you talking about General? Go to whom? I’m not abandoning you all, the resistance is my family.”

“You know _exactly_ who I am referring to,” Leia responded. “It goes against the grain to do this, but I am ordering you to make your way to the landing pad at front of the D’Qar base. A stormtrooper escort will be awaiting you.”

Rey felt a shiver of cold run up her spine. 

_“Fear is the path to the Dark Side,”_ she tried to repeat the calming Jedi litanies that Master Luke had taught her; but right now they seemed about as useful as a chocolate teapot!

 _“Why?”_ Rey telepathically communicated with Leia using the Force. 

_“I have to save my people; including your friends! Everyone will be spared, so long as I deliver you willingly. Sometimes we have to make tough choices Rey, I’m sorry.”_ Leia’s thoughts replied back.

It was dawning on Rey that this raid might _actually_ be her fault somehow even if it was indirect. She owed it to the rebellion to help them mitigate their loss in any way she could. She saluted the general solemnly. 

“With your leave, I will now carry out your orders,” she bravely stated. 

Leia gazed at her with quiet admiration. “When you see my son… _don’t_ bring him home.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Rey walked through the now deserted corridors of the place she called home, she wondered what awful fate Kylo Ren might have planned for her.

 _“Why now?”_ she wondered _“What had set him off on this crusade?”_ She’d had no contact with him since she’d given him that facial scar to remember her by, but suddenly he was stalking her Forcebook profile and blowing up bases in his efforts to track her down.

Stormtrooper guards had been stationed at each strategic corner within D’Qar. They said nothing to her as she passed them, they seemed to know who she was and _whom_ she was on her way to meet and they let her proceed unmolested.

 _“No point in surviving hand to hand combat with rebel fighters, only to be choked by your boss for inappropriately touching the girl he fancied,”_ Rey mused

She’d left her blaster back at the bunker, there was no point in carrying it now; but she had kept her lightsaber clipped to the belt of her jacket. If today was her day of judgment; she would go down fighting!

Rey eventually stepped out into the chilly afternoon air, the perfect snow of the morning, was now slushy and dirty; covered in a thousand different footprints. Her own boots crunched below her as she slowly made her way to the main landing pad. She could see a midnight black shuttle with long swallow-like wings parked on the tarmac, steam was hissing out from the engines, yet the scene around her was eerily quiet. 

Stormtroopers were starting to file into formation in front of the shuttle, but were leaving a clear path for her to approach. When Rey had come within about fifteen metres of the closed hatch of the shuttle, a tall soldier in chrome armour stepped out to bar her path.

“We’ve been expecting you Jedi, I am Captain Phasma of the First Order” announced a stern no-nonsense female voice through the mouthpiece of a shiny helmet. “From this point on, you will stay standing _exactly_ where you are. If you move from this position or try any mind tricks, I’ve been instructed to execute that man over there.” Phasma pointed to a nearby bloodied x-wing pilot kneeling in the snow with a stormtrooper blaster at his temple.

 _“It’s Poe!”_ she realised but Rey was careful not to show emotion on her face that would indicate that she had any particular connection to him. It would only strengthen the bargaining power of the First Order and she believed she was playing a _very_ risky game of Galactic Blackjack today.

“So where is Mr Kylo ‘bat-shit crazy’ Ren Esquire?” asked Rey defiantly. 

It was impossible to tell whether Phasma was angry at Rey’s impertinence. Instead the stormtrooper captain merely reached down and pulled back the hood of Rey’s flak jacket, exposing her head to the freezing elements. The colourful ribbons in her hair fluttered in the frigid wind. 

“He’ll want to see your pretty face, and I for one am _curious_ to see your reaction to him.” Phasma said this with a hint of mirth. She turned away from Rey and marched over to the right hand side of the shuttle’s hatch and stood to attention, motionless as a silver statue. 

Rey pondered the meaning of Phasma’s words, but decided against speculation. _“I’ll know soon enough,”_ she thought with dread.

First Order soldiers now all seemed to be aligned in military precision ranks around the shuttle. Despite the cold, Rey felt herself sweating in her clothing. She could sense Kylo Ren was on the shuttle, she could feel his dark power in her mind… his obsession… his lust… but also surprisingly she felt his need to impress and please her.

As if he knew she was thinking of him, she heard his voice drift into her mind. _“You’re not alone anymore little scavenger, I’m here to take you away from this pitiful place and make you my Dark Queen, together we will rule the galaxy as husband and wife.”_

 _“Holy crap, this guy needs serious psychiatric help,”_ thought Rey in terror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter was getting very long so I'm splitting it. 
> 
> The final chapter will show Kylo Ren in all his obsessive glory. I hope you will join myself and Rey for the show :-)


	7. Roll Out the Black Carpet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you get to the video, play it while you read the section underneath. :-)

  


Rey felt her teeth chattering as she adhered to Captain Phasma’s order to stay rooted before the front of the sleek First Order shuttle.

It was starting to get dark and she could see the glow of the sputtering fires which were still burning amongst the ruins of D’Qar. The attack had been brutally efficient and the base had fallen swiftly. She could still hardly believe what had happened. Rey had expected to be making a snow angel today, but instead had an unscheduled appointment with the ultimate _dark_ angel.

 _“Just how long is Kylo Ren going to keep me standing here? I’m colder than a wampa’s tit!”_ she wondered.

The wingtips of the shuttle started to whir and the coloured lights that ran down the sides of the craft; bathed the landing bay and assembled persons in a dream-like rainbow effect. 

_“It looks similar to the dance floors in the nightclubs on Coruscant,”_ thought Rey oddly.

The hatch of the shuttle was finally starting to open and bright neon lighting flooded out of the interior. The ramp of the shuttle hit the ground with a hollow clank and a figure was awkwardly descending. Although the interior light was blinding her somewhat, she could tell from the height and posture that it was _not_ Kylo Ren. Instead she saw the wheezing frame of a man with reddish-gold coloured hair and a sour expression. He was hauling a large bundle over his shoulders and was clearly not happy he was performing this heavy-labour task. Rey identified him as General Hux from the insignia on his uniform so perhaps his frustration was not unwarranted, he was pretty high ranking and surely this menial task was beneath him. She sympathised with him a little bit… they were both similarly at the mercy of the maniacal whims of Lord Ren.

With a strong flourish General Hux threw out the bundle in front of the ramp. It became apparent it was a long strip of black finely woven carpet and the end fell just short of Rey’s feet when it had finished unrolling. Hux gave her a withering yet strangely _envious_ look; before stepping backwards and standing to attention on the right side of the hatch, parallel to Captain Phasma on the other side.

She became aware of faint music starting to play and the beat was getting steadily louder. She frowned and looked about. The sound was all around her echoing in the forest and reverberating off the walls of the base. The First Order troops must have set up many large speakers, to get this sort of surround-sound experience.

 _“This is getting very surreal,“_ Rey thought, _“Is it a dream?”_

The music had an electronic synthesiser sound, again very similar to the Coruscant techno harmonies she'd danced to on her last holiday to the Old Republic capital. She quite liked the loud and catchy thumping beat of the tune, but was too much in dread of what it might _signify_ to enjoy it.

Inexplicably, Rey could hear the amassed stormtroopers cheering. “Had their discipline broken?“ she wondered. Captain Phasma had made no move to quiet them. 

She looked back to the open shuttle hatch in time to see a tall and commanding man looming at the top of the ramp. He was dressed in a tailored black jumpsuit, black leather boots and belt; all covered with the flowing black robes of his Sith grandsire. The helmet he wore reflected the multitude of lights which were now flashing in time with the rhythm of the hypnotic melodies. He descended with a swagger to the ground basking in the ever-building crescendo of chants and sycophantic whistles of the troops spread across the landing bay. The air was electric with anticipation and brown-nosing worship. 

The flashes of cameras taking photos could be seen everywhere. Armoured stormtroopers and dome-helmeted foot soldiers alike clambered to get the best angles and shots.

If she listened carefully she could pick out some of the individual callouts:

_“Kylo we love you!”_  
_“Looking good Kylo!”_  
_“Kylo over here!”_  
_“Look everyone its Kylo!_

Ren did not acknowledge his adoring fans, instead he kept his mask visor firmly locked on Rey. 

Two flametroopers flanked his imposing frame… his wingmen from _hell._

Rey saw Kylo, master of the Knights of Ren and terror of the First Order raising a black microphone to the mouthpiece of his helmet. 

_“Force protect us!”_ she cringed _“Was he actually going to sing!?...”_

Holocron projectors had been placed to each side of the shuttle and now started to activate. The combined beams formed a floating image in the sky above her. She scoffed as a static Sepia toned images of Kylo Ren appeared. It was a paused movie… _“When is someone going to hit the play button and get this nightmare over with!?”_ she wondered.

“You just can’t resist me Rey,” she heard in him whisper in her mind and thus he began the courting song of the damned!

_**~ Is it my eyes when you look at me? ~** _  
_**~ They are so gorgeous… they’ll set you free ~** _

Kylo Ren started to approach her, stalking his prey along the VIP carpet.

_**~ Could it be my walk? Or just my stare? ~** _  
_**~ That makes you freeze… when I appear ~** _

He now took off his helmet, throwing it into the crowd and ran his hand back through his waves of jet- black hair.

_**~ Super good-looking, every hair in place ~** _  
_**~ Everyone loves… this gorgeous face ~** _  
_**~ You can’t deny my beauty-shot… ~** _

He turned suddenly and pointed at General Hux

_**~ I'm everything… that you are not! ~** _

The audience whooped and hooted, joining their exalted leader in singing the chorus.

_**~ Part Man, but all model ~** _  
_**~ Am I what you want?… Am I who you follow? ~** _

He was almost upon her now, he suavely strutting towards her position.

_**~ Don’t try and fight it, you can’t deny ~** _  
_**~ This is perfection… personified! ~** _

Rey felt like her nose was about to bleed as he tilted his head to the side to show her his striking profile.

_**~ Piercing eyes and a chiselled jaw ~** _  
_**~ Moulded by the Gods… Without a flaw ~**_  
**_~ Can you feel the presence... of greatness near? ~_**  
_**~ This hair, this look… ~**_  


_**~ Prince Pretty’s here! ~** _

Suddenly he had reached her… he sharply waved his hand behind him and the music cut out abruptly and the sounds of his adoring fans ebbed away. 

All was quiet once more.

Kylo Ren towered over Rey, she defiantly looked up at his face with flashing hazel eyes. He was smirking at her with undisguised lust.

He cast down his microphone to the snowy ground and unashamedly wrapped his long arms around her waist, drawing her up against his body in a sweeping embrace. Ren lifted her chin upwards with one black-leather gloved hand and brought his face close to hers. His hot breath was condensing in the bitter evening air and was mingling with her own. 

“Hello Valentine,” he purred

The song had not lied, those intense piercing eyes were mesmerising, causing her to shiver with both fear and… sickening _desire._

Ren ran his hands up the arch of her back and stroked her silky brown hair, letting the ends of the ribbons she was wearing dance over his fingers.

“I like this look on you,“ he said approvingly. “It’s good to see you made _some_ effort to look nice for me, that jacket is ugly as sin though. I know you’re poor, but surely my little scavenger owns _something_ with a little bit more class?”

Angrily Rey used the Force the push Kylo Ren away from her. He let her go in surprise.

“That was quite a performance Ben.” She quipped back at him. “It must be difficult to be so vain with that scar running down your face, would you like me to carve you another one to even it out a bit? It’ll be easier to blow your head off with a nice big X to target.” She laughed.

“Oh you’ll be blowing my head off soon Rey… but _not_ the one on my shoulders!” he shouted at back at her.

Rey drew her lightsaber, pressing the ignition button. A bright blue pillar of light emerged from the top of the metal hilt. “I’d sooner wank-off a wookie!”

\-------------------------------------------------------------

_“So his little Rey wanted another lightsaber battle did she?”_ thought Ren. He felt his black boxers tightening in anticipation of once more clashing their blades together in a hail of sparks and wrestling her in the snow. _“In front of all his troops as well…! She was kinkier than he’d given her credit for,”_ he thought slyly. However he was freezing his balls off and Ren decided he would prefer their foreplay be conducted in the warmth of his quarters back on the Finalizer. 

Kylo Ren drew his own lightsaber and ignited it. The blood-red crackling plasma sword hummed with power as the cross-guards flared out from the hilt. He made a show of twisting the blade with his wrist and between each hand.

“You can’t win Rey, I’ve rebuilt my lightsaber, it is more powerful than ever.”

Rey narrowed her eyes and confidently stared him down as she held her lightsaber sideways. There was suddenly another hiss and a blinding white beam of light sprung out of the bottom end of the hilt, creating a double bladed weapon of breath-taking blue and sizzling silver.

Kylo Ren’s jaw dropped in horror.

“What a co-incidence, _I’ve_ rebuilt your grandad’s lightsaber too.” Rey said venomously.

Rey lunged at Ren, but he recovered his composure in time to raise his blade and block her attack. He angrily slashed back at her in return. _“How could you do that Rey? That was Darth Vader’s original lightsaber; it was priceless and now you’ve ruined it!”_ he despairingly thought.

They smashed their blades over and over again as hundreds of stormtroopers and one stressed-out General looked on. 

Although he was getting hot under the collar watching Rey weave and parry around him with her new toy, he was starting to tire of this cosmic ballet. It was time to get serious. 

As soon as he saw her leave he right side open, he hooked his long blade between her arms and thrust upwards, using his cross-guard to pull the staff-like weapon out of her grip. It shut down and was flung towards the shuttle, where it was then expertly caught in the chrome glove of Captain Phasma.

Rey gaped. The silly girl seemed to be debating on what to try next. He quickly put his lightsaber blade close to her neck, forcing her to yield. He felt like he was getting mixed signals from her and needed clarification.

“Why do you continue to fight me Rey? I rushed here as quickly as I could when I received your card. We burnt out the hyperdrive on the Finalizer just to make it in time for Valentine’s Day, but you seem... _vexed_ with me.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------

_“What is he talking about?”_ Rey wondered

“I never sent you any card, you deluded creep!” yelled Rey. She could feel the hot crimson heat of Kylo Ren’s lightsaber searing into the skin of her neck. “Of course I’m _vexed,_ you just destroyed my home, killed and injured a good many of my friends and compelled me to watch your God-awful music video and listen to your fucking tone-deaf singing!”

"Don’t lie to me scavenger, you yearn for my touch; here is the proof". He reached into his robes and flushed out a small card which looked strangely familiar… It was a blurry Friday night memory but she could see crayons in her hands, wine bottles surrounding her, drunken girlish laughter and the acrid smell of portion bread being cooked up. 

_“Uh-Oh,”_ she realised

“You sent me this valentine along with a chunk of inedible food, but I appreciated your sentiment; even though it was cheap and tacky. I was so happy when I received it, that I only choked three of my minions that day.“ Ren said earnestly. “I know I may come on a bit strong sometimes, but I just want to be with you so badly, plus you’re hot as _fuck!_ ”

Rey was feeling guilt, but strangely it was not just for the destruction of D’Qar base. She tried to think of a way to let Kylo Ren down gently without her losing a limb.

“Listen Ben…“ she began

“Call me Kylo Ren… no better yet call me _Master Kylo_ ” he said excitedly

“Master Kylo?” she ventured 

“Yes Padawan?” he responded happily.

“I think I probably _did_ send you that package… but I didn’t mean to, I was really, _really_ drunk. Sorry if I got your hopes up, can we just forget it happened?

Rey could see the veins popping in Kylo Ren’s temple. She could feel the waves of anger and … _heartbreak_ … flowing through the Force. He could decapitate her at any moment… However after a few tense moments, he instead switched off his lightsaber. Rey was shocked and edged backwards ready to fight with her fists if she had to.

“Captain Phasma, recall all First Order units, it’s time to go home, we’ve finished what we started here,” he ordered. 

Phasma nodded and started talking into her comm system. The troops soon started to leave the immediate area and headed towards the various shuttles and transports that were littered around D’Qar. 

Kylo Ren had turned his back to her and stayed mute as dozens of ships started to soar into the night sky towards the twinkling stars and Rey dared not move until she was sure he was not going to strike her down with all his might and _comprehensively_ complete his journey towards the Dark Side.

Finally he spun around and grabbed her shoulders, before leaning downwards and thoroughly snogging her with his full and generous lips. Her stomach was dancing butterflies but she liked it, Force-damn her she _liked_ it! 

When he pulled away from her he gave her one of his charming smirks. “You know I can take whatever I want scavenger, however I find I am still addicted to the _thrill_ of the hunt.” He waved at Captain Phasma and used the Force to retrieve Rey’s lightsaber hilt. It floated across the landscape and magically clipped itself back onto her belt without her touching it all.

“Go Rey,” said the enigmatic Master Kylo. “I _want_ you to run as far away as you can, hide away in the deepest corners of the Galaxy. _Challenge_ me, _resist_ me… it will make it all the more sweeter when I commit to your eventual capture and finally _ravish_ you within in an inch of your life!”

He bowed formally to her then, wrapping his thick robes around his shoulders and striding back up the black carpet from whence he came. He gave her one last horny look as he ascended back up the ramp of his shuttle, General Hux hot at his heels. 

The engines revved up and within the passing of a minute the insect-like plane was airborne. Rey blinked as she saw something being ejected from one of its gun ports, landing on a patch of snow on the ground below. Soon afterwards the wings extended fully and the shuttle flew upwards into space. A wink of light confirmed to her that the ship along with _him,_ had left the planet and gone to lightspeed.

Rey felt exhausted and flabbergasted by the events of the night.

She could see Poe staggering back towards the base and a sweaty man was rushing to greet him... it was Finn. When the two of them met, they hugged long and hard before sharing an intimate kiss. Rey smiled, despite the craziness of this Valentine’s Day, at least true love had found its mark with those two.

Now that the First Order had seemingly abandoned their occupation of D’Qar, a handful of resistance members were emerging from the buildings and surveying the damage. She left them to it… she was more interested investigating what had dropped from Kylo Ren’s departing shuttle. 

Stomping through the slush tiredly, she discovered a bouquet of beautiful black roses. They were wrapped in black paper and had many thorns lining the stems. The simple card was written in his distinctive cursive handwriting. 

Happy Valentine’s Day. Love From Kylo Ren XXXXXX 

THE END (or is it..?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed Kylo Ren's musical number.
> 
> I made the video specifically for this fic.
> 
> Thanks for reading all the way through.


	8. Epilogue

General Hux slumped in the large yet uncomfortable armchair that stood beside the impossibly neat and precision-made bed within his quarters aboard the Finalizer. His pale face and blue eyes were a picture of misery. It had been just _another_ crappy day at the office as far as he was concerned.

_“Why did he always end up sitting here alone, night after night? Why did nobody appreciate him or even want to be in his presence for a single moment?”_

He’d worked so hard managing the First Order attack on D’Qar and arranging that ad-hoc music spectacle for Lord Ren, but he’d not received a single word of thanks. ‘Mr Tall and Gorgeous’ had simply had a quick feel-up of the scavenger girl and then returned to the Finalizer as if nothing had happened and the Star Destroyer’s crew had gone back to business as usual activities.

He’d thrown his long facist-style overcoat and military cap on the floor of his room in anger and despair. Hux realised he must be depressed as normally he’d not countenance such messiness and lack of order in his daily routine. He sighed and reached over to grab the decanter of Corellian brandy that rested on his bedside table next to his treasured signed photo of the late Grand Admiral Thrawn. 

He removed the crystal stopper and took a long swig of alcohol, closing his eyes as the liquid fire trickled down his throat. He was tempted to just continue drinking the stuff until he passed out for the night.

 _“No,”_ he thought, gritting his teeth. Hux had an executive board meeting with Supreme leader Snoke first thing in the morning and he would need a clear head for that. He had to be on top form if he was to one-up Kylo Ren in their debates with their shared master. He estimated the score was 10-7 in his favour right now. He didn’t want Ren to narrow the gap any further.

He replaced the decanter back in its customary place, but as he did so his eyes were drawn to something, an item that was _new_ on his bedside table… an item that had _not_ been there this morning.

It was a cupcake… covered in a swirl of creamy-looking silver icing and resting upon one of his coasters! There was a decorative shiny chrome heart poking out of the top as well. The cake was tiny, but _exquisitely_ made and Hux felt his spirit starting to soar as he gazed at its sugary goodness.

There was a small yellow post-it note stuck next to the cupcake, he pulled it away and read it:

_“Need a hug?”_

Hux felt the sides of his mouth twitching with the emotion he was feeling . He _knew_ who had made this treat for him, just as he knew how rare and _special_ the gesture was.

The General sniffed and hauled himself out of his rut, the tears flowing freely down his cheeks. There was only one thought on his mind. He had to leave now, before it was too late.

His walk turned into a manic run as he left his sparten bachelor quarters and disappeared into the dark bowels of the Finalizer.

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt there was one last piece of the tale to tell ^_^
> 
> Thank-you all, please leave comments if you can, I love to read them.


	9. The Real Pyjamas

Rey's pyjamas from chapter 1 do exist! 

My boyfriend gave me a surprise gift! He had this pyjama top made for me after he read this fanfiction

Thanks for all your Kudos on this one. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I'll add more to this fic in the future


	10. Preface - The Supreme Leader is Lonely

It's been nearly a year since Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren Esq performed his song and dance routine on D'Qar in the midst of a bloody battle.

Twas a Valentine's Day to remember... indeed the event has since become legendary throughout the Galaxy.

Other achievements such as the crushing of the Resistance movement and ascending to the position of Supreme Leader of the First Order pale in comparison to his musical success. His latest album has been number one in the charts for three months straight. Not just in the core worlds but the outer rim systems too!

"Kylo Ren is Gorgeous" has been downloaded from the holonet over 1,000.000,000,000 times and his beautiful puppy-dog eyes stare out from posters plastered all over the bedroom walls of millions of adoring fangirls.

Yet... it's rather lonely at the top. 

He may be the King of all he surveys, but he can never be truly happy without his Queen.

Today as on most days, Kylo lounges on his giant throne on the refurbished flagship _Supremecy_ , resting his chin on the back of his leather-gloved hand; fantasising about his beloved Rey. 

He hasn't seen her since that day on Crait where she'd given him the _'I'm disappointed in you'_ look and then slammed the door in his face. 

She'd rejected his proposal of marriage the previous day, which had then caused him to go all Sith and launch a Helms-Deep siege attack with his new AT-AT walkers... She'd been so salty about him blasting all those resistance traitors in the trenches... even saltier than that red stuff that covered most of the planet.

In retrospect he probably should've made it more clear that he was proposing to her in the first place. Also, calling her _'nothing'_ wasn't very romantic and may _possibly_ have been the wrong thing to say at such a tender moment.

Damn! they'd just finished that sexy fight with old Snoke's guards as well! They should have both been smooching like nobody's business after that... but yeah, he had to admit it was _partially_ his fault that things had gone tits-up.

He glanced to his left and sighed as he stared at an empty throne which stood next to his own. It was created from precious black onyx, mined in the boiling caves of Mustafar. He'd had it hand-carved by Muun artisans to fit his girl's measurements perfectly. Kylo wanted it to be ready for the day Rey came to her senses and finally realised that her destiny lay with him... and that his destiny was to lay with her.

"Surely that day must be coming soon," he whispers to himself.

He starts to tap his boot impatiently on the polished dark floor of the large First Order command chamber.

It's almost Valentine's Day again... perhaps it's time to make another grand gesture... He knows he can woo her back to his side... _but how?_

TO BE CONTINUED


End file.
